The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie IV: The Cloonbob Saga/Plot
The following is the plot of SpongeBob SquarePants IV. Warning: Spoilers Ahead. Plot The film begins with the French narrator singing "It's Been a While". After a gunshot is heard, we cut to Waluigi's house in the lower east side of Detroit. Waluigi opens his door to find to find two Jehovah's witnesses soliciting outside of his humble abode. He quickly rushes to his bedside drawer and pulls out a rusty tennis racquet. He stares at it intently, stroking it with utmost satisfaction. "It's........... time," Waluigi says. A voice is heard in the background, and a loud screech follows. The camera then pans outside of Waluigi's door. George Clooney in a raggedy SpongeBob suit is seen staring down Waluigi. Cloonbob mutters, "I'm ready." Waluigi smirks, and lunges at him with the tennis racquet. The Jehovahs witnesses jump on top of Cloonbob and form the missing piece of Voltron. Waluigi gasps, and stops in his tracks. He remembers now. He remembers how it was in olden times. 3 YEARS PRIOR A bubble transition introduces us to SpongeBob's alarm clock, stuck to Gary's shell. Gary has an extremely sadistic look on his face. SpongeBob wakes up and finds a letter from his old friend Debbie the Seahorse. A Rob Schneider-esque screech is heard outside of the pineapple. SpongeBob shakes it off as Squidward fondling his clarinet. He reaches into his wallet, only to find a Visa card with the title "Bat Credit Card" on it. SpongeBob's PTSD triggers, and he remembers a dark time in Schumacher city with homoerotic statues and nipples on every architectural structure. SpongeBob faints. Patrick divebombs into SpongeBob's house, holding a basket of tomatoes that are inexplicably rotten. "This is my time. You decided our fate years ago, Robert. The world has collapsed at your feet. The brooding darkness.......nobody wants this. Not me. Not Schumacher. Not even Kilmer. I'm sorry, SpongeBob. When I go to hell, I shall remember you for all of eternity." Patrick lazily drops the tomatoes on SpongeBob, followed by a cheesy 80s fart sound effect. Patrick then takes out a poster of his hero, Val Kilmer, and it beckons him back to the good old days, an era of whoppers and cheese fries. "All hail the Kilmbot," Patrick says, lustfully. Suddenly, a gargantuan-nosed cephelopod enters the room and points a gun at Patrick's brain coral. "Kill him now, and you will have to answer to me." the octopus says. He turns his head to the audience, and we see that it is actually a time-travelling Squog, with a bazooka launcher grafted to his inner thigh. "But....the legends........they cannot be true!" Patrick worriedly exclaims. "SQUOG FWEE FWEE," Squog says, as he proceeds to gun down Patrick. Suddenly, a time rift appears over Patrick's USSR rock. A dim-litted figure appears from inside the time rift. The figure is wearing armor reminiscent of Batman and Robin with an extra amount of emphasis on the nips. The figure then leaps towards Squog. ___________________________________________________________________________ 3 years later....... Waluigi studies the newfound Voltron piece that lies on his porch. He picks up a phone and frantically speed-dials his brother. "Wario, it's me, Waluigi. It has happened. The goob is scoob-" Before Waluigi can finish the conversation, Cloonbob throws a deformed Krabby Patty detonator toward Waluigi. Waluigi tries to escape the radius, but ultimately suffers at the hands of Cloonbob. Waluigi, burnt and crawling toward his house, is seen trying to escape Cloonbob's viscous gaze. Cloonbob is seen walking slowly behind Waluigi. As he approaches, he removes a blood-spattered spatula from his back pocket. He raises it in the air, as if to cut down Waluigi. The loud roar of a motorcycle is heard in the background. Before Cloonbob can finish off Waluigi, he is interrupted, and turns his head towards the sound. _______________________________________________________________________________ 3 years earlier...... George Clooney leaps towards Squog and snaps his neck. He then pauses and turns to SpongeBob. "I can't have you sea creatures ruining my one last claim to fame." SpongeBob, nervous and backing away, puts his hands up, as if to surrender to Clooney. Clooney, staring intently at SpongeBob, sounds off a soliloquy. He says, "The squid almost ruined my master plan. I'm going to make a musical based off this wonderful aquatic world. But you won't be a part of it. I'm here to redeem Schumacher's original and groundbreaking plan. I'm going to reunite the cast of Batman and Robin and make a live musical about your show. IN COSTUME. Kinda like that Grease Live thing, you know...... did you watch that one? Eh, doesn't matter." The camera pans on Patrick's corpse. Another figure's boot is seen in the background. It has a red, Bat-like symbol on it, and a silver R. Clooney's voice is heard in the background. "There's my partner! Time to get this show started......" Chris O'Donnell says, "About time they gave me another shot." Clooney tells O'Donnell to take Patrick's body to the factory. As O'Donnell carries Patrick away, shrieks from SpongeBob can be heard in the background. Clooney laughs as he puts his plan into action. "I'm about to live in a pineapple, under the bright lights.......OF HOLLYWOOD!" _______________________________________________________________ A retro-style CRT TV appears out of the darkness. As static is displayed on it, what seems to be audio of a news program begins to play. "In the times of yesteryear, Cloonbob assaulted all major cartoon characters, methodically harvesting their skins for his....ultimate disguise. One by one, television and film changed, as Clooney made his moves. But now, his eyes were on other characters......." __________________________________________________________ The screen fades into a laptop screen, displaying what appears to be a Kickstarter page for the musical. Evidently, the Kickstarter has only made $15. The camera pans out, and reveals Cloonbob and Pat O’Donnell standing outside of an abandoned warehouse. Cloonbob takes out his phone and calls in a favor. A time card, saying "Two Hours Later..." appears on screen, with Cloonbob doing a poor impression of the French Narrator. Afterwards, we see a black limousine stop in front of Cloonbob. The door opens, and Steven Soderbergh walks out with a pained expression on his face; the entire main cast of Batman and Robin can be seen inside the limo, tied up with rope. "Ah, that's more like it....I can always count on you, Soderbergh." Cloonbob says. Soderbergh remains silent as tears begin to stream down his face. Cloonbob turns his attention to the cast and begins to speak "Listen, me and O'Donnell are currently producing a play based on this undersea city, and I would appreciate it if all of you would play some kind of part in it..." Muffled screams can be heard within the limo. "I assume that means you all accept my offer. Good." In a bizarre ritual, he places DVDs of Batman Forever and Batman and Robin on the ground, and pulls out the blood-stained Bat Credit Card, placing it in the center of the DVDs. Suddenly, the ground begins to tremble. A massive hole forms in the street, and what seems to be Joel Schumacher's mortal form climbs out. He looks at Cloonbob and nods, and then turns his attention towards the cast members. His eyes narrow as he begins to recite an odd equation. "Loneliness plus alienation plus fear plus despair plus self-worth divided by mockery divided by condemnation divided by misunderstanding times guilt times shame times failure times judgment n equals y, where y equals hope and n equals folly, love equals lies, life equals death, self equals Schumacher." Following this, the entire cast, including Cloonbob and Pat O'Donnell, proclaim that Schumacher is their will. Satisfied, Schumacher begins to speak. "All of you will go and make that musical happen, no matter what stands in your way. This is our moment to shine; this is our reign. We'll show all of those hacks what true art is with this....this soon-to-be masterpiece. Now go on. Break a leg." Schumacher then reaches into his pocket; he pulls out a pistol, and without hesitation, shoots Steven Soderbergh in the head, killing him. Afterwards, Schumacher descends into the hole, and the hole promptly disappears. Cloonbob takes out his car keys and pushes a button on them, summoning the Clooney-Mobile. He and the cast enter the car. Another time card appears, and we see him park in front of a large building and direct the rest of the cast in. As the door opens, the camera pans inside, revealing a rusted, worn-down establishment. Numerous cartoon characters, alive and dead, are hung from hooks, whom have their skins ripped off and placed on a conveyor belt. Completely apathetic to the shocking, graphic environment, the cast follows Cloonbob and Pat O'Donnell. They move along the conveyor belt, with numerous prisoners of his surrounding it; they all seem to be critically acclaimed movie directors and critics themselves. The prisoners quickly and mindlessly fabricate suits out of the skins on the conveyor belt; once the suits are fully assembled, they are carried along the belt until they make it to a bin, in which they are dropped into and contained in. Cloonbob and Pat O'Donnell walk over to the bin, and search through the large pile of costumes. Finally, towards the bottom, they find costumes of Squidward, Mr. Krabs, Sandy, Plankton, and King Neptune, and toss them to their colleagues. They pounce on the suits and get dressed. The camera pans over to Cloonbob, as a wide grin begins to spread across his face. He pulls out what appears to be copies of a script and hands them to the others. "Gentlemen, we're ready." Cloonbob triumphantly states as he leads them back to the Clooney-Mobile. ---------------------------------------------------- As the sound of it's engine starting is heard, a bubble transition introduces us to a theater, with the label "ATLANTIS ADVENTURES - STARRING GEORGE CLOONEY 'CLOONBOB'" on the marquee. As we cut to the auditorium of the theater, we see that all of the seats have been taken up by numerous professional movie critics. Suddenly, the lights surrounding the auditorium dim, and the stage lights turn on. As the audience grows quiet, Cloonbob walks out from backstage, and flashes his armored nipples at everyone. "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Before we go on with the show, I find it of the utmost importance to warn you that what you're about to see.....is a masterpiece unlike anything you've seen before. True art like this is scarce in today's world of processed garbage like Citizen Kane and Interstellar......so sit back and enjoy the work of a true artist. Thank you." Out of pity, the critics clap as Cloonbob walks backstage. Instantaneously, a pair of men, wearing Batsuits similar to that of Batman and Robin, rush behind the curtains, holding poorly-made cardboard cutouts of a pineapple, an Easter Island head, and a rock. They exit the auditorium, and the curtains are raised, as we see Cloonbob standing in front of the pineapple cutout. Due to the length of the musical, a montage of selected scenes from the first act is played; first, Cloonbob knocks on Patrick's cardboard rock, though he applies too much force, and accidentally knocks it down, revealing Pat O'Donnell pleasuring himself with an onion behind it. The camera pans over to the audience, with their faces contorted in disgust. In the next scene, as Cloonbob sings a song about tax returns, a stage light falls down and hits Squid Glover on the head, decapitating him. The suited-up men return to clean up the mess, and one of them holds Squid Glover's corpse in their arms; the other rips the suit off of Glover, and takes the role of Squidward for the rest of the play. Afterwards, we cut to the gang meeting Arnold Schwarzeneptune, who does nothing but make out-of-place ice puns. Following this, the film cuts to black As the sound of the world engine is heard, we fade into the CloonCave, where we see Cloonbob, Pat O'Donnell, and the rest of the cast celebrating the musical's premiere. Cloonbob hands everybody glasses of wine and slices of a bloody cake, as they speak to each other. Momentarily, Cloonbob asks for everybody's attention. TO BE CONTINUED......